THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED…EMOTIONAL & MENTAL SUPPORT DURING COVID-19

“Everything can be taken from man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude under any given set of circumstances.” Viktor Frankl

I am reminded of this quote every time I hear a TV anchor announce one more person tested COVID 19 positive. There is an increasing feeling of dread and disaster when someone is infected. What I hear is anger about the person infected.

I would like to state upfront that I am not condoning the actions of people who have not followed precautions or directives by the government or healthcare professionals. They deserve to be treated accordingly. However, there are many who had no idea they were infected and discovered they were carrying the virus only when they tested. We have all read numerous accounts on social media about how people have contracted the virus. It was not a deliberate attempt for them. They were in the wrong place at the wrong time – just sheer bad luck.

Having said that, how do we treat people who have tested positive in our own family, friends circle or neighbourhood? Yes, physical isolation is a must, to keep everyone else safe. Is emotional isolation warranted? Do we have the right to treat affected person/family like pariahs at an emotional level?

No. We do not have the right. Remember, it could have happened to any of us.

A National Crisis

COVID 19 is a national crisis, a global crisis. It is a war that humanity is waging against a virus. I am not getting into where it came from, which country is responsible for spreading it, how & why. I am looking at our collective ability to help people deal with this trauma when they discover they are infected.

A crisis can occur on a physical or psychological level. The physical aspects of a crisis tend to be obvious, particularly if they involve human injury or death. The psychological aspects of a crisis tend to be significant and more widespread. However, the psychological aspects of a crisis are hard to identify and often overlooked.

A crisis is defined by three factors: negative events, feelings of hopelessness, and events beyond normal control. Crises are perceived as being negative events that generate physical emotion and/or pain. People who experience a crisis, experience feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, and entrapment. Those who have lived through a crisis also feel as if they have lost control over their lives. Crisis events tend to occur suddenly and without warning. The lack of time to adjust or adapt to crisis generated problems is what makes the event so traumatic.

COVID 19 presented us with such a crisis. The containment process itself is stringent and a strict one with two important factors:

  • Social distancing
  • Lockdown

Human beings are not used to both factors. It has been tough to understand and accept for so many people. Especially in a society like ours, where we tend to feel, “This won’t happen to me.” It can, it may – happen to me, happen to you. If it does, I know what I want from people around me.

 Emotional Support

 The corona crisis has slowed us down enough to make us think about what we want Rythmfrom ourselves, how much are we willing to give and our own expectations.

There are provisions being made for physical & medical support for a COVID 19 patient. I can get admitted to a hospital and treated. However, the single most important expectation, besides good medical care, is emotional & mental care. I would want emotional support from my family and friends. I would want help to deal with the trauma of going through an illness like this. I would not want to be ostracized emotionally or mentally.

Sadly, in India, we do not have the framework or infrastructure to deliver that emotional support. From what I hear, the doctors and nurses are doing a fabulous job of counselling their patients. I know professional counsellors are willing to help. My counsellor friends have told me to refer anyone seeking help in these times and they will gladly handhold. The keyword, however, is to seek. Believe you me, these are times when we need that help. We need that ‘someone’ who will counsel and guide us to get out of trying situations. There is no shame or stigma attached to it.

A crisis like this affects us at different levels – medical, physical, economic & social. Underlying all these is the psychological impact. The impact can be felt in any of the following:

  • A positively diagnosed person.
  • A person undergoing financial problems due to the lockdown
  • People working from home (a lot of people have broken homes and may not know how to deal with the situation)
  • The so-called stigma of being a corona patient or a member of the patient’s family

These are but a few circumstances.

How Can We Help?

  • We can start by not being judgmental about people we know who are tested positive. I am sure they did not go around wanting to be infected.
  • Let us show them kindness & empathy, besides giving them the physical help of providing food, shopping for them or getting their medicines.
  • Please do not isolate them emotionally. A quick telephonic chat, a message or a video call will assure them that you are around.
  • Positive reinforcement goes a long way and helps people become optimistic.
  • Patients & their family members can be sensitive to and less capable of coping with the irrelevant humour floating around as forwards. We can be empathetic to that. Do not brush it off as ‘soft’ behaviour.
  • Those of you who can collaborate through your organisations to help small business owners generate revenue for themselves, please explore such opportunities.

In times such as these, vulnerability is not a weakness. When we encounter an unexpected challenge of threat, the only way to save ourselves is to hold on tight to people around us and not let go. Life does not make sense without interdependence. We need each other and the sooner we realise that the better for us all.

After all, Paul Romer said, “A crisis should not go waste.” Let us use this to become more compassionate, helpful & non-judgmental human beings.

My Guide Of Destiny…GOD!

Guide Of Destiny…GOD!!! I have been at two different events over the last few days…seemingly different, yet the same. The differences are not what I am writing today. My focus is on the commonality I saw and that is to have someone in your life who will hold your hand to the finish line.

 I am not writing about mentoring as a process    today…I love telling stories and am going to share some experiences here…personal & others.

Pallavi’s story personally touched me. She was the one who coined the term “Guide Of Destiny”. After a very successful career, achievements &  glory, she decided to take a break. The break became a challenge for her.  By the time she recognized this 6 months had gone by and then she desperately started seeking for help. A couple walked into her life to handhold her and bring her out of her despair. They enabled her to see opportunities that she may not have seen otherwise. So, the first takeaway I have here is you need to become a seeker. Seek & you shall receive…but seek with your heart!

Harrison’s experience brought out another dimension for me. Growing up in northwest Montana, he was fortunate to have an innovative neighbor who encouraged him on a weekly basis. One morning, six year old Harry, walked over to Mr. Clawsonʼs garage to see what he was building. That day, he was working on a contraption to clean up oil spills in the ocean. Mr. Clawson showed Harry how his device worked, talking to him as an equal. He then asked Harry to critique his design and offer suggestions for improvement. This genius was asking a six year old for improvements on an invention that would clean up oil spills! That simple gift of encouragement from Mr. Clawson changed Harry’s life forever. Harry realized that his own thoughts about the world had value & was on cloud nine for days and felt he could pursue anything and be successful. The second takeaway is as a mentor to be genuinely interested and to listen to what your mentee is saying.

A mentor is someone who guides you because of the experience he/she has and not necessarily because he/she is a subject matter expert in your field. My own mentor is someone whom I liked from the day I first met him. Binod & I clicked as individuals when we met and I thought initially that it was because both of us are people oriented. As days passed I realized that everyone connects to Binod & that is his unique quality. He has remained more committed to my success than I have been at times. And when I have felt low, he has been a sounding board & a punching bag. As my Guide Of Destiny, he continues to stand by me, giving me that firm yet gentle nudge to take the next step & move ahead. As a mentor Binod gives me so much that I have no choice but take a leap forward. Here is the third takeaway – you need to be a Go Giver.

Lastly, here’s my own experience of being a  mentor to a young cousin who subsequently became a business partner also. Seema spoke to me about pretty much every aspect of her life & looked for advice, suggestions, etc. I only realized I was put in the role of a mentor when her parents (my Uncle & Aunt) started telling me about her actions at home…she was implementing most of things that I had encouraged her to do, to the extent that today a lot of people call us mirror images of each other in thought & behavior. That brought home another point…the absolute trust that a mentor & mentee enjoy with each other & duplicating what the mentor says & does. 

We will all have challenges, both as a mentor and as a mentee. However, I end with a very insightful statement made by Dev Wadhwani, a phenomenal human being & entrepreneur I have had the opportunity to know & learn from…

“Are you a victim of your challenges or the master of your destiny?”