THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED…EMOTIONAL & MENTAL SUPPORT DURING COVID-19

“Everything can be taken from man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude under any given set of circumstances.” Viktor Frankl

I am reminded of this quote every time I hear a TV anchor announce one more person tested COVID 19 positive. There is an increasing feeling of dread and disaster when someone is infected. What I hear is anger about the person infected.

I would like to state upfront that I am not condoning the actions of people who have not followed precautions or directives by the government or healthcare professionals. They deserve to be treated accordingly. However, there are many who had no idea they were infected and discovered they were carrying the virus only when they tested. We have all read numerous accounts on social media about how people have contracted the virus. It was not a deliberate attempt for them. They were in the wrong place at the wrong time – just sheer bad luck.

Having said that, how do we treat people who have tested positive in our own family, friends circle or neighbourhood? Yes, physical isolation is a must, to keep everyone else safe. Is emotional isolation warranted? Do we have the right to treat affected person/family like pariahs at an emotional level?

No. We do not have the right. Remember, it could have happened to any of us.

A National Crisis

COVID 19 is a national crisis, a global crisis. It is a war that humanity is waging against a virus. I am not getting into where it came from, which country is responsible for spreading it, how & why. I am looking at our collective ability to help people deal with this trauma when they discover they are infected.

A crisis can occur on a physical or psychological level. The physical aspects of a crisis tend to be obvious, particularly if they involve human injury or death. The psychological aspects of a crisis tend to be significant and more widespread. However, the psychological aspects of a crisis are hard to identify and often overlooked.

A crisis is defined by three factors: negative events, feelings of hopelessness, and events beyond normal control. Crises are perceived as being negative events that generate physical emotion and/or pain. People who experience a crisis, experience feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, and entrapment. Those who have lived through a crisis also feel as if they have lost control over their lives. Crisis events tend to occur suddenly and without warning. The lack of time to adjust or adapt to crisis generated problems is what makes the event so traumatic.

COVID 19 presented us with such a crisis. The containment process itself is stringent and a strict one with two important factors:

  • Social distancing
  • Lockdown

Human beings are not used to both factors. It has been tough to understand and accept for so many people. Especially in a society like ours, where we tend to feel, “This won’t happen to me.” It can, it may – happen to me, happen to you. If it does, I know what I want from people around me.

 Emotional Support

 The corona crisis has slowed us down enough to make us think about what we want Rythmfrom ourselves, how much are we willing to give and our own expectations.

There are provisions being made for physical & medical support for a COVID 19 patient. I can get admitted to a hospital and treated. However, the single most important expectation, besides good medical care, is emotional & mental care. I would want emotional support from my family and friends. I would want help to deal with the trauma of going through an illness like this. I would not want to be ostracized emotionally or mentally.

Sadly, in India, we do not have the framework or infrastructure to deliver that emotional support. From what I hear, the doctors and nurses are doing a fabulous job of counselling their patients. I know professional counsellors are willing to help. My counsellor friends have told me to refer anyone seeking help in these times and they will gladly handhold. The keyword, however, is to seek. Believe you me, these are times when we need that help. We need that ‘someone’ who will counsel and guide us to get out of trying situations. There is no shame or stigma attached to it.

A crisis like this affects us at different levels – medical, physical, economic & social. Underlying all these is the psychological impact. The impact can be felt in any of the following:

  • A positively diagnosed person.
  • A person undergoing financial problems due to the lockdown
  • People working from home (a lot of people have broken homes and may not know how to deal with the situation)
  • The so-called stigma of being a corona patient or a member of the patient’s family

These are but a few circumstances.

How Can We Help?

  • We can start by not being judgmental about people we know who are tested positive. I am sure they did not go around wanting to be infected.
  • Let us show them kindness & empathy, besides giving them the physical help of providing food, shopping for them or getting their medicines.
  • Please do not isolate them emotionally. A quick telephonic chat, a message or a video call will assure them that you are around.
  • Positive reinforcement goes a long way and helps people become optimistic.
  • Patients & their family members can be sensitive to and less capable of coping with the irrelevant humour floating around as forwards. We can be empathetic to that. Do not brush it off as ‘soft’ behaviour.
  • Those of you who can collaborate through your organisations to help small business owners generate revenue for themselves, please explore such opportunities.

In times such as these, vulnerability is not a weakness. When we encounter an unexpected challenge of threat, the only way to save ourselves is to hold on tight to people around us and not let go. Life does not make sense without interdependence. We need each other and the sooner we realise that the better for us all.

After all, Paul Romer said, “A crisis should not go waste.” Let us use this to become more compassionate, helpful & non-judgmental human beings.

“I didn’t want to take forever to retire”…goodbye to the world’s favourite “Gambler”

The trademark silver beard and husky, gravelly voice are gone forever. Kenneth Ray Rogers, known the world over as Kenny Rogers has left a void for all music lovers.

Like most in my generation, who grew on a staple music diet of pop, country, ballad, jazz & soft rock, Kenny Rogers was that cross over artist who did country, pop & ballad in Kenny-Rogerssuch an effortless manner. A Houston boy, Kenny was the fourth of eight children in the Rogers household and took an interest in singing while quite young and as a teenager joined a doo-wop recording group who called themselves “The Scholars”. At age 19, Kenny recorded “That Crazy Feeling” for a small Houston label, Carlton Records, and, he played bass with the jazz groups of Bobby Doyle and Kirby Stone.

His music career began to take shape. His early professional years were stylistically eclectic. After moving to Los Angeles in 1966, he joined the folk-pop unit the New Christy Minstrels and then splintered off with others in the group to form “The First Edition”. Their first big soft-rock hit, “Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love to Town” hit #6 on the US charts, (Mel Tillis’ downbeat song about the faithless wife of a handicapped Vietnam vet), while later successes included “Something’s Burning”, “Just Dropped In”, “Tell It All Brother” and “Reuben James”. The husky-framed singer’s ingratiating personality and sensual gravel tones soon took center stage and the group eventually renamed themselves “Kenny Rogers and the First Edition”.

The band’s fortunes began to wane in the early ’70s, and Rogers signed a solo deal with UA in 1976. He struck pay dirt immediately with “Lucille,” an absorbing vignette about a barroom encounter with a disillusioned woman and her estranged husband. The number became Rogers’ first No. 1 country hit and reached No. 5 on the national pop chart. It also scored Rogers his first Grammy, for best male country vocal performance. Incidentally, his mother’s name was Lucille, though the song was no reflection of her life.

122110-kenny-rogersBy the end of the ’70s, he notched five more No. 1 solo country singles. The two most famous ones were The Gambler & The Coward of The County. Each inspired a popular TV movie; Rogers would portray Brady Hawkes, the protagonist of “The Gambler,” in a series of telepics that ran through 1994. At the dawn of the ‘80s, as outlaws and urban cowboys staked their turf on either side of the country and pop fence, Kenny Rogers bridged the divide and focussed on romantic balladry. “Lady” and “Islands in the Stream” (the latter one of many duets with frequent singing partner Dolly Parton) consolidated his standing as country’s biggest crossover attraction. With Sheena Easton, he sang Bob Seger’s “We’ve Got Tonight” and it went on to become No. 6 on the pop chart & ruled the country charts. Kenny Rogers had 23 top 10 country hits during the decade, five of which crossed to the pop side.

AS the younger generation of country musicians flexing a less countrypolitan style supplanted him, Kenny made his last toplining appearance in a pair of telepics as reformed gambler Jack MacShayne in 1994. In 1999, he notched a final No. 1 country hit, “Buy Me a Rose,” with Billy Dean and Alison Krauss.

From the mid-’90s, he maintained an active touring schedule, till his health failed him in 2015. Kenny Rogers was a multi-faceted personality and increasingly turned his attention to various entrepreneurial enterprises, opening a chain of fast-food chicken outlets, Kenny Rogers Roasters, and a Sprint car manufacturing firm, Gamblers Chassis.

Here are some Kenny Rogers trivia that will interest his fans:

  • He was a well-respected photographer & was invited to the White House to create a portrait of First Lady Hillary Clinton for the 1993 CBS-TV special, A Day in the Life of Country Music (1993).
  • Named “Favorite Singer of All Time” in a 1986 “PM Magazine/USA Today” poll.
  • Voted “Favorite Male Vocalist” in 1989 by “People” magazine readers.
  • In March 1999 was awarded the Recording Industry Association of America’s prestigious Diamond Award, celebrating sales of more than 10 million albums for his “Greatest Hits” album.
  • His high school vocal group’s original song “That Crazy Feeling” landed them a spot on television’s American Bandstand (1952).
  • Co-host, with Lorianne Crook, of an infomercial for TimeLife’s “Superstars of Country” collection of country music [2005].
  • His duet “Islands in the Stream”, with fellow country singer Dolly Parton was ranked the #1 on CMT 100 greatest country duets of all time.
  • Sang “Lady” with Lionel Richie playing the piano.
  • He was awarded a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for Recording at 6666 Hollywood Boulevard in Hollywood, California.
  • On Oct. 27, 2013, he was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame.

Kenny Rogers always said, “Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great”, which is exactly what he has done now. You will be missed by generations. Rest in peace my favourite Gambler.